Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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