my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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