it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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