"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
