garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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