you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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