I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
