ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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