everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
