The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
