Tell her she can't have a vagina
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
