...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
