i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize