Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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