mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
