Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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