Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
accomplished twins. life is a go
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
