So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
