Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
