this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
