Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
