Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize