he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
