Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again itβs a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize