whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize