I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
