Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
