Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
