you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
