My friends, they love my intelligence
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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