I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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