so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize