I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Vodka?
Forever.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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