My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
