we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
