We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
