and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
