I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
