Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
