Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
