Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
