Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
how drunk are you?
Several
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oh god it's open bar.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
