what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
