So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
