I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
