just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
