I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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