would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want to make out with him forever
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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