Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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