he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want to make out with him forever
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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