I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
