we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
