The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
