well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Panties = found
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
