Umm I'm too high to move.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
