got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
