Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
