saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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