I just threw up on my dentist
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
