you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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