I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
