You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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