Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
