I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
