I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
