rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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