So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
