Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
