I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
