I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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