Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize