I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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