called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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