He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
