I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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