Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
