ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
