I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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