if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
God, I missed his penis.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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