stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
