my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You're like the curious george of whores
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
