Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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