we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
