My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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