So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
