My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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