hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
