She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
