i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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