Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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